Dear Annie: Friends’ young grandson assaulted me in our home. I no longer want to visit them

'Dear Annie' columnist Annie Lane

Annie Lane writes the Dear Annie advice column.

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Dear Annie: My husband has an old and trusted friend; they go back many years. The problem is not his friend but his handicapped grandson. This child has been “acting out” since he was a toddler. During a visit to our home, the grandson physically assaulted me, and I was in extreme pain for days. The incident was basically swept under the rug.        

Here’s the problem: I refuse to visit this man and his wife because I am deathly afraid of their grandson. He was 7 when the incident occurred and is now 12 and can probably do even more damage. My husband says this is insulting to his BFF and his wife and that I am being a witch to not go to their home. I would go if their grandson were not there, but my husband refuses to ask for this concession.        

Am I being unreasonable? Is there any other way to handle the situation? Thank you. -- Scared and Uncomfortable        

Dear Scared and Uncomfortable: It’s not unreasonable to feel frightened after this child directed a violent outburst toward you. I’m surprised your husband doesn’t seem to be validating your feelings around this trauma in the slightest.        

It sounds like your husband is close enough with his friend to gently but candidly share how you feel. If this other couple knew how that episode continues to impact you, they might be more understanding of your absences and willing to commit to adult-only, public plans moving forward, child care permitting.

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